God Will and I'll Try

January 6th
I’m reading Henri Nouwen’s book, Discernment. In it, Henri defines discernment as the determination of God’s will for and in our lives and Henri believes we discern God’s will through words of authors, nature, people, and other sources.
Today’s chapter discussed how fellow travelers help us discern God’s will for our lives and help us understand what we need to address in our development to meet that will. I agree with Henri that people serve a great function as markers and indicators of the direction we should travel. So, Henri had my attention when he introduced the concept that friendship involves forgiving the other person for not being God or Jesus. He cautions not to look to any one person as a source of a perfect relationship.
Henri points out that imposing too high of expectations on another is toxic, damaging:
           If people expect too much from each other, they can do each other harm; disappointment and bitterness can overpower love and even replace it. But in the practice of discernment in daily life, we can learn to appreciate our closest friends, family members, and sometimes complete strangers, as signposts pointing toward God. Friends may be guides who see what we may not be able to see ourselves. Discernment, p. 72-73.
When I read this, I was reminded of a time when someone in my life expected perfection from me.   Amazingly, I fell short. I did not meet the standard, and my fellow traveler was angry and hurt and made no bones about telling me so. I was deeply hurt when I learned I had disappointed, and said “I am sorry, what can I do to fix it?”  At the same time, I said, “You know, I’m only human.”
I also recalled the time my dad had his gun out and accidentally shot a hole in my car, which was my pride and joy. Seriously. He shot a hole in my car! The paint peeled back from the hole in a circular pattern the size of a hand. I looked at him, mouth agape, eyes wide open, and with my hands in fists at my side.   He shook his head and said, “I don’t suppose you’ve ever made a mistake in your life.”  And put the gun back in the closet without another word.
We find ourselves in these stories.   Because we try to love the best we can, but we are (last time I checked) human.  Henri says our humanity comes with a formula for great relationships:
                            . . . friendship requires a constant willingness to forgive each other for not being Christ, and a willingness to ask Christ himself to be the true center of the relationship. When Christ does not mediate a friendship, that relationship easily becomes demanding, manipulating, and oppressive, and fails to offer the other the space to grow. True friendship requires closeness, affection, support, and mutual encouragement, but also distance, space to grow, freedom to be different, and solitude. To nurture both aspects of a relationship, we must experience a deeper and more lasting affirmation than any human relationship can offer. Discernment, p. 75-76.
God is the source of lasting affirmation and the One who meets our every need. We cannot expect any human being to fill God’s role. Friends are companions, each giving us joy and serving as helpers along the way. In a very human and hopefully, humane way.  We let God be the One who loves us in a Divine and Perfect Way.
While Henri says we are to forgive friends for not being God, I’d say: my challenge is forgiving myself when I forget that people are not God, to forgive myself from expecting too much, and to seek forgiveness from the friend for imposing impossible expectations. I’d like my friends to feel free to say, “You’re expecting me to be like God again. Can’t meet that goalpost, sis. Just your beautiful friend here. Chill.”
One of my favorite Lyle Lovett songs, “God Will,” has the lyrics, “Who keeps on loving you when you’ve been lying, saying things ain’t what they seem? God does, but I don’t. God will, but I won’t. And that’s the difference between God and me.”
So, I love like a human.  I strive to allow my friends to love me like a human.  I seek divine love from God. And I help my friends seek divine love.  And we each seek to love each other a little better, a little deeper, a little more like Jesus, every day.  Without the burden of expectation. With forgiveness when we fail. With deep joy when we get it right. 

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